Confused Soul Seeking -- The Best Friend..!!!

In this life, many relationships develops everyday, every hour, every minute and every second.
Out of all such relationships thus formed, the relationship of frienship is something which is most common and perhaps this is one thing that everyone cherishes because:-
Friends cry together..
Friends laugh together..
Friends share together..
Friends eat together..
Friends grow together..
Friends love each other..

.........and they indulge in things that can't be expressed through words.

But do they stay together for life is one thing that confuses me... because as friends are common so is the common law of nature -- " Life moves on."

So who or what stays with us? Yes... friends rather best friends stay even when they are not near. They always provide a support system whether in their presence or absence.

This gives me a fear - A fear of loosing, loosing the best friend. Most often it has happened to me that I have lost despite of my measured steps.
Once I consider someone close, someone for whom I care -- I start living in a constant fear of loosing. I hope that God is kind enough not to make me confront such types of situations again and again because it hurts and this hurt is very painful.

Thats why since childhood I considered "My shadow" to be my best friend, but even the shadows leave, when sun doesn't shine or when the weather is gloomy and when I relate this with my best human friends, again a fear of loosing starts creeping in.

Just today I read that Confucious once said, "Silence is the true friend that never betrays." This statement took me to a state of bliss or rather in a state of silence where I met a new friend.

Now I am confused about who my best friend is? Is it a human form? Is it my shadow or is it the Silence??

LOST.......!!!!

Someone somewhere said, " Life is like a quick-sand the more you try to grab it, the more it slips away from you." Certainly my life has become one - like a quick-sand.

My feelings, my care, my emotions, my love and my respect is Lost. The more I give the more I loose.

At this juncture of my life as I seek answers, as I ask questions, even the questions and answers slips away from my hand, from my life.

My life or for that matter everyone's life is surrounded by humans and what you give, you expect the same. Am I right in keeping the expectations ? And now it seems that even the expectations are lost.

People give names to my feelings and my emotions. They call me sentimental, they say that I get excited with every passing second. They call me a kid. But tell me... Is being a child - having a true, flawless, little angelic heart bad? Does it harm people or does it make them feel down troden?

So called child that I am, seeks happiness in others, I feel happy when I see people around me happy but now it seems that even my happiness is lost.

In this race of life, why selfish, dirty minds survive? Why manipulators are king? and Why "ME FIRST" principle rules, Why competing against your own is the need ?????

But for me......

I lose quick-sand as I grab it more.....

I lose emotions, love, care, feelings, respect as I show them more.....

I lose questions as I seek answers....

I lose the child in me as people dont allow the child to live.....

I lose happiness as I see happiness in the outside world.....

I lose the race as I run hard to win it.....

I lose.............

And Finally, My Life is LOST as I begin not to lose.....!!!!

The Last Wish....!!!!

Today resting at my pyre, awaiting to turn into ashes I see many ostensible red eyes in between few dry eyes.

Dry eyes reminds of something. They remind me of my family - my WORLD.

As I await to enter a new time zone, I wish may I had been given a watch of my brother rather than the kalava (a religious thread) so that I can control the time, so that I can be more responsible....

As i await to be freed from the chains of relations of this world, I wish may I remain tied with the Rakhi of my sister...so, that I remain protected and protect someone forever....

As I await my new un-destined journey, I wish may I had been given shoes of my father instead of barefoot..so, as to empower myself with the power to discover the paths that are less travelled and to create footprints to be followed..

As I await the fire that would burn me to ashes, I wish may I had been draped in a soft, serene saree of my mother instead of this stainless white colour cloth, so as to provide me with the eternal warmth on the woods of fire....!!!!!